Spoiler Alerts – I talk about the movies Shaun of the Dead, Fido and Warm Bodies, the TV Show iZombie (*), as well as Zombie Runs(**), a Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drill, amazing Shoes by Alexander McQueen, the artist H.R. Giger, and of course Zombies.

*disclaimer #1 – I have only seen the ads
**disclaimer #2 – Not going to try it

If you have any concerns about me ruining your life experience by discussing the above items,

PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS.

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Let me be clear that this blog is serious as many will read this while eating popcorn and laugh hysterically. I enjoy your perspective I just don’t share it. Zombies or the Walking Dead as some might call them are as serious as a heart attack. Zombies make horrible friends, neighbors, chums, pillows, or cuddly fuzzy bunnies that you fall asleep with.

I first saw Zombies at the Drive in Movie Theater in the 1968 classic ‘Night of the Living Dead‘.  Zombies took over my nightmares from that point forward.

 

 

Up until that point Witchiepoo from H.R. Pufnstuf was my nightmare.

 

 

NOW IT’S ZOMBIES!

SOME RULES BEFORE WE MOVE ON

Rule #1 – If your friend turns into a Zombie, the friendship is over, Shoot Him or Her in the HEAD!

Rule #2 – If you give a Zombie a HUG because they look like they need it, you are an idiot and you should have shot yourself in the head!!

Rule #3 – I think you get the point to the rules, ZOMBIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND!!!!

Speaking of friends, I have a friend that is deathly afraid of Zombies. Me I am not afraid as I will cut their head in two. In fact I am concerned that someone that is only “Actin’ a Zombie” might “Roll up on me” and “Get Ginsu‘d in the head“.

First Officers on the Zombie Crime Scene in the above scenario

Officer – Why did you stab him in the head?
Me – Duhhh, because you need to destroy the Zombies Brain, everybody knows that.
Officer – So that is why you put a knife in your friends Ear.
Me – He ain’t my friend he’s a Zombie(Don’t you know Rule #1) and I would be careful about getting to close to him cuz he might bite you, you’ve been warned.

Alarming Zombie Trend

In recent years, I have noticed an alarming trend and that is the Cuddly Fuzzy Bunny Zombie. Holy crap right now someone is making or someone reading this will make the STOOPIDEST MOST PROFITABLE kids toy of all time. The Cuddly Zombie Toy Line – It’s as soft as the most Cuddly Fuzzy Bunny but it’s a ZOMBIE, NOOOOOOOOO.

I must tell you that I LOVED ‘Shaun of the Dead‘ unfortunately the ending is the worst ever. Your friend is not out in the shed playing video games. He is waiting in the shed to eat your brain. Didn’t you read the spoiler alert before reading this?!?

The Alarming Zombie Trend Continues in the Movies

After Shaun of the Dead I thought it was over but it continued with movies like Fido and Warm Bodies. I just can’t believe that the walking dead can be ‘cured‘ or that being undead will get better, just like the Black Knight won’t be playing Tennis anytime soon.

Also if you make a servant out of a Zombie be prepared to be bitten, literally.  You won’t need to worry about deportation just decapitation with your friendly neighborhood Zombie servants.

THESE ZOMBIES ARE ON TV NOW TOO!!!

Why would TV Exec’s make iZombie.  Wait I get it MONEY.

I have never seen more than the commercial for this TV show.  I don’t need too see more than that. Your a Walking Dead Zombie, you won’t get better. This TV show would last one episode for me. Oh your a Zombie, Ginsu to Head, Roll the Credits.  Since I had to create a link to the show now Google is giving me stories about it,  NOOOOOO² (That would be No Squared or NOOOOOO X NOOOOOO as I don’t want a Google update about CW iZombies and I don’t want a Zombie Friend).

Run Zombie Run

They have created Zombie Runs, SAY WHAT?!? No you need to destroy the Zombie Walking Dead Brains NOW!!!! I am not running just dicing things up Ginsu Style. I need to get paid for these Ginsu Ads.  Here is an idea for you Ginsu – Zombie Ginsu for all your Zombie Killing Needs.

How no one has gotten hurt on a Zombie Run is amazing to me.

The ones of us that are smart enough to avoid the Walking Dead Zombies would NOT be STOOPID enough to enter one of these things.
One day a casual jogger is going to stumble into a Zombie Run and someone is going to get a Zombie Ginsu Lesson. Now that would be funny a guy running through the park with a Ginsu Holster across his chest(I swear Officer this is just in case I see a Zombie, #heheh).

Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drills (ZAPD)

Several years ago I was sitting on the edge of a stage at SphereCamp. A few friends came dragging out of the dark. They looked bad, really bad, dead actually. They were groaning and moaning and dragging themselves towards us. My friend was sitting next to me saying ‘Aren’t they cute, like Zombies’.
I was already up on the stage and my words fell on deaf ears, ‘Yep Zombies RUN!!!’
She didn’t run and I watched a Zombie walk up, sit next to her, and bite into her.
YEP ZOMBIES, so I did what anyone in this situation should do I grabbed my stuff and ran. I ran all night actually. I hid out and listened. At one point I had a camera but I dropped it.

The next day when I noticed people by the camp stove making coffee, I approached. The Zombie Couple that were the start of the epidemic were laughing over some coffee with others I saw get bitten. That is when I found out that I was just part of a Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drill(ZAPD). There was only one other survivor of that night and she came out of the woods and had the same reaction I did. Relief, as I was not looking forward to what I was going to have to do next.

Thank Heavens for ‘The Walking Dead‘ as it is teaching the reality of life after the Zombie Apocalypse.  ZOMBIES ARE NOT CUDDLY FUZZY BUNNIES YOU SLEEP WITH!!!

Enough Zombies Lets Talk Shoes

These are NOT RECOMMENDED for the Zombie Apocalypse

The shoe this week is by Alexander McQueen and the artist who inspired the shoe is H.R. Giger.

Giger died a year ago this month and his art was something I was always drawn too.  Alexander McQueens Alien Inspired shoes made me smile when I saw them.

H.R. Giger was an amazing artist and if you are in LA this week you can check out the documentary, Dark Star: H. R. Giger’s World  in the Theatre.

If you miss it in LA then check out the other dates around the US and Canada

Dark Star Dates

So I ask you my reader

Would you go on a Zombie Run?

Would you be prepared for a Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drill(ZAPD)?

What do you think about giving your kids a Zombie Doll?

Enjoy your week and make sure to collect as many Ginsu’s as you can, just in case.

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Be Awesome, Make Awesome, Watch Awesome, You Are Awesome. Find that inner SuperHero and Fly with it (or whatever your Super Power is).

Rich Shumaker